Brace Face

URGENT, I need help... - 26
Reply to: pers-897600440@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-10-28, 7:39PM PDT

this is incredibly emberassing but i am currently stuck ina situation that has dictated outside help. i have a tendancy 2 lay on mystomach on the floor when i am using my labtop and i was browssing facebook moments ago whebn i decided to lay my head down and my braces got stuck on the carpet!!!!! i have tried to untangle it but it wont come undone and the onlythin g in reach is my computer. i am something of a shut in so i dont realy have alot of close friends to come help me, nor would i want anyone i know seeing me right now i am so embarassed so i am reaching out to craigslist

i have tried grindingg the edge opf myh computer against the carpet strand but it is strong and won't tear i dont know what to do i have a job interview in 2 hours!!!!!1 srry for poor spelling i am in an incredibly akward position for typing and in quite a bit of pain from tugging my head up from the carpet, i am afraid that i might rip out my tooth or damage my braces

if u r willing to help, plese respond and i will send u mai info and u can come to my apartment and grab a knife to cut this or something, plez don't waste my time i only hav 2 hrs. before my interview. i am willing to payu for your trouble or maybe we can arrange something else for payment!!

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Princess J has suspicions:

out of curiousity....if I was to even go to your apartment....how would you come and unlock the door to let me in if you are stuck on the floor??

unless the door is coincidently unlocked....I dunno about you but something about this ad smells rather fishy....

however, if this is true I feel real bad...

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bemybison wrote:

mydoor is unlocked i do not lock itwhen i am at home.r u willing to help me out iam in alot of pain i think i mayb have twisted my neck please hgelp!!

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Princess J wrote:

depends....where are you located??

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bemybison wrote:

oh god theres blood all over my rug nowsorry for my reply so late i tried mopping it up with my hair

johnston Street near emily carr!! r u willing to cut me free??

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Princess J wrote:

omg....I am from surrey and it will take me about half hour to get there... dunno if you are willing to wait...

do you want me to call 911 for you?

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bemybison wrote:

NO PLEZ DON'TCALL 911 the last thing i needis this leakingto the press, i am something of a minor celebrity soi cannot havethis getting out.

iam willing to wait, my faceisstuck to my floor, itsnot like i am going anywhere

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Princess J wrote:

minor celebrity...with little to no friends....going to an interview at this hour??????? rigggggghhhhtttttt....

Part of me wants to deeply help you because I can only imagine what it might feel like.,,

but the other part is telling me that u are lying,,,and you are some creepy dude trying to coax girls to come to his place...

give me some proof that you are not some dude that’s going to rape me and we will take it from there..... cool??

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bemybison wrote:

i'ma girl u idiotDID U EVENREAD MY POST???

if yu've turnedon a tv at anypoint in the l;ast 3 years yu've probably seen me.

HOWDO IPROVE THIS TO YOU, my mouth is bleeding, shud i insert some of it into the cd drive and email it to you??? fuck

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Princess J wrote:

F U !!! how would I know how the hell u are!!!! u could be some creep for all that matters!!!! gezzzz

im going to trust me gut and go and save ur ass

give me ur address... if u turn out to be some fucken dude....I will report ur stupid ass!!!

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bemybison wrote:

trust me ive got an honest face




Other Responses:

"look lady Im jus tryin to help you out you dont need to give me sex or cash jus being a good samatarian to try and get your braces off the floor so you can get your insulin but if you pass out before 10 minutes is up my laptop is gonna die I gave you my phone number and I might have to use my number to call 911 as I dont think its kool that your stuck there for almost 3 hours!! by the way if it comes down to your life or your face im sur the public will understand braces get caught sumtimes at least its not on a boyfriend somewhere!! besides paramedics and hospitals are inclined to privacy ..period...so jus tell me the address and Ill send an ambulance!!"

"what u want me 2 shit on you. cuz i will but i wont do it unless u tell me 2. so anyways where are u"

"Oh, the erotic fantasies that could be derived from your posting...."

"R u seriously stuck!!! OMG! LOL!!!"

Stache Trash

Need a man with a stache - w4m - 24
Reply to: pers-881029800@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-10-15, 8:03PM PDT

I am a sexy young woman looking for a male companion for a bit of an unusual request. In a nutshell, I am looking for a guy who would allow me to trim his mustache off and make a finely steeped tea out of the hairs. We'd proceed to drink the tea and then have some follow-up fun in the bedroom.

I know it sounds a little odd, but serious responses only please.

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Tim wrote:

I have a 'stach" could we clip some of your pubes and add them in?

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bemybison wrote:

Thanks for the quick reply! I'm glad to hear your sporting a stache, I am just curious about its quality and drinkability. Some pictures or a description of your grooming routine would be helpful.

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Tim wrote:

I had to search for this, it was taken last year but its a good representation although the goatee is much shorter now.
ANd yes its drinkable and I will ensure that its clean and ready for sipping

you didnt respond to my question about your pubes?

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bemybison wrote:

Typically I don't like to mix pubic hair in with my tea ceremony so we'll probably just stick to the hair on your face if thats alright, though I am willing to go out on a limb and use some of your eyebrow hair if we don't have enough. Would that be a problem?

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Tim doesn't mind:

Well I dont have alot of eyebrow hair, how bout some of my goatee in a pinch? And ok I admit I have not tried the pubic hair ceremony but I am open to your idea

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bemybison wrote:

Well if we shaved off the eyebrows I'm sure there would be more then enough. Alot of men aren't willing to do this, but I find the entire thing to be highly erotic. Is this the type of thing you are interested in?

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Tim wrote:

I m open to the idea
it is only hair after all

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bemybison wrote:

Fantastic! I am glad I've found a stache-mate Tim!

Would you be willing to condition your mustache with a specific ointment? I want it to be especially ripe for the harvest.

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Tim wrote:

sure just tell me what we need and I will condition it

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bemybison wrote:

The mustache conditioning is pretty simple, but the actual solution is usually what alot of guys are apprehensive about. Essentially its a combination of vegetable oil, shampoo and semen (don't worry, it can be your own). Its to be applied pretty liberally and left on for about an hour and then you can rinse it out. This vitalizes the stache and preps it for the ceremony and "gathering". This has to be done once a day for at least four days.

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Tim is old-hat at semen rituals:

As I said in a previous email, I am quite well versed in ceremonies and rituals

While I must confess that you have me intrigued there is nothing here that puts me off.

Just peak my interst and I am quite enthused about all of this.

I am curious as to what this will produce when we do the ceremony.
I too am 100% serious and very anxious about doing this
So worry not my dear I am here to the finish

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bemybison wrote:

Alright, glad to hear you are as enthused about this as I am!

Would you start conditioning your mustache as soon as possible? The earlier the better. The "recipe" more or less goes as follows:

1 tb Vegetable Oil
1 1/2 tb Shampoo (any brand, it can be a shampoo/conditioner as well)
semen

Then like I said, smear it onto your stache pretty liberally, let it sit for about an hour in direct sunlight, then rinse it out gently.

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Tim wrote:

Ok so here we are,

I took the ingredients as you directed as you didn't provide me with an suggestion as to how much manliness to include I gave what I thought to be just the right amount hee hee,

By the way I used conitoner shampoo although I suspect the protein of my semen will do quite a bit of conditioning haha

These pictures are at just over an hour of my mustache and I even included my goatee in the process.

The mystery continues and my enthusiasm has not faltered.

Opening an email to the sight of this picture is probably the closest I've come to vomiting from seeing something on the internet, and I watched the entire video of that guy who skewered and sawed off his own penis.

Other responses:

"You are either Spam or the grossest pig chick on earth,"

"NOW I DON'T HAVE A STACHE ON MY FACE, BUT I DO HAVE A SHALLOW STACHE GROWING DOWN THERE, IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR? HERE'S A PIC OF ME, AND IF YOU WANT U CAN SEND ME ANOTHER ONE, PERHAPS MORE ENTERTAINING THAN THE LAST ONE.
NOW HAVE YOU ACTUALLY TRIED THIS BEFORE? KINDA GROSS DON'T YOU THINK, I WOULD WATCH YOU DRINK IT THOUGH."

"I only have a soul patch right now but I was thinking of trimming it off. Is this for some kind of bet? I'm pretty open minded and love indulging my deviant side but this is one of the more odd requests I've seen. Anyway, I'm 27, 250, 6' 0" looking forward to some mustachio ice cream or tea."

"Your a nutcase"

"Yes.....you are fucked!"

"whats the hair tea supposed to do? whats it for??"

"i guess u don't like brown boys" (huh?)

"I want to soak you in hot water for one hour so I can enjoy your steeped juice then we can proceed to make some eggnog out of our pubic hair"

"Apprehensive? More like *thrilled*..."

Ziploc Baggy Heiress Seeks Dino Sex

Seeking a sexual tyrannosaur for a romp in the park - w4m - 28
Reply to: pers-876586707@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-10-12, 3:14PM PDT

I am a very career-focused, attractive, 5'9, 120lb woman who is seeking a man who is willing to fulfill my ultimate sexual fantasy. I am an executive with a very successful corporation that keeps me very busy and I sometimes have difficulty finding men who share similar interests to my own in the bedroom.

Nothing turns me on more then Jurassic Park themed role play. You must be the animatronic dinosaur, and I must be the helpless child (Tim or Lex) stuck in the park at your mercy.

You will growl mechanically into my ear and stare threateningly. I will feign panic and search for the flash light in the back seat of the visitor jeep. You will sniff at the window slowly and then release a robotic roar into the night air. I scream for Alan Grant, but your over sized robot jaws come crashing down through the overhead window, pinning me to the floor.

I cannot stress this enough however, you must play as a ROBOTIC dinosaur. This is very specific, my interest lie entirely in animatronic dinosaurs, not real ones. I thought I should mention this as there have been unfortunate miscommunications in the past, leading to performances that have left me without an orgasm.

Other situations could include you being the dilophasaurus and spitting in my face and then going for my jugular. Or you could be the ill and moaning triceratops, and I would be Ellie Sadler, digging through your stool to find the source of the ailment.

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risktaker2002 wrote:

How is your search going on here? Your fantasy is very specific. Have you had anything like that yet? I've seen that movie many times. Very creative idea! Would any costume be required on my part? 36, fit male, 6 ft.

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bemybison wrote:

Unfortunately my search is coming up a little dry, I haven't received any replies that seem very serious. I know my fantasy is very specific, but I am a very to-the-point kind of gal. I have found some suitable companions willing to fulfill said fantasy in the past, but I am still in search for someone who has the same amount of passion and lust for animatronic dinosaurs as I do.

If you are willing to wear a costume, I do have one for this specific use. Its rather heavy and has a metallic structure in the joints (that creak when you bend) and just the sound of it drives me wild, knowing that a robotic skeleton is under all that dinosaur flesh. Its incredibly arousing. There's even a voice modulator in the snout that mechanizes your sexy dino grunts and roars.

Have you had any kind of theatre or mime training? It would definitely come in handy considering how cumbersome the dinosaur suit is (I had it custom made in Argentina) and it can get pretty hot and sweaty inside of the suit (not that I would complain about a sweaty man!).

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risktaker2002 wrote:

I understand you're taking of this as being serious. I'm trying to learn more so as not to waste your time. I understand how the costume makes you feel sexy, but I'm not sure how that will make me feel. Is it required? Could I just wear a thong?

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bemybison wrote:

I'd prefer you wear the costume as that way we can completely immerse ourselves in the fantasy. There is a velcro tear-away flap in the groin that allows for quick and easy access to the fun bits.

What really gets my jeep tires spinning, is if a guy lets me paint his dick gray so that it resembles part of the dinosaur skeletal structure. I have plenty of acrylic paint for just the occasion(as well as some paint thinner for cleanup).

This fantasy will have no compromises.

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risktaker2002 wrote:

Body paint is very sexy. Would be fun to even try full body paint, but I guess that would too much time.

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bemybison wrote:

I'd prefer if we kept the body paint isolated to your penis, but I'd be willing to smear some red on myself to simulate tooth and claw wounds.

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risktaker2002 wrote:


Would it take place inside or outside in car like you describe? Do you have a pic?

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bemybison wrote:

It wouldn't have to be specifically the car sequence, though I do have a car with a sky window. Would you be willing to smash your face through it?

I've attached a picture to give you an idea of what the suit looks like.



Love a man in a uniform.

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risktaker2002 becomes concerned about his weight:

How big is that suit? Looking at it I'm not sure I would fit. Looks more brown than grey, or is this another copy of it?

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bemybison wrote:

The suit itself is a reddish brown, but the metal joints inside are steel grey (hence why I'd want yourpenis to also be grey). The suit is very stretchy, I'd say its similar to wearing a spandex onesie.

I would love you to be my velociraptor in the kitchen, I could hit you with a ladle and lock you in the freezer. But be careful, Dr. Hammond could walk in at any minute!

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risktaker2002 wrote:

Does the costume have a head too?

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bemybison wrote:

No pictures of the head, but it has quite a bit of blood on the teeth, as well as scraps of gore smeared across the top of the head.

I'd love to be alot more open about my fantasy in my regular life, unfortunately I am a rather major player in the Ziploc baggy industry and its this type of scandal that could potentially ruin me, so discretion is a MUST.

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risktaker2002 wrote:

Are you on msn? I can use cam that way and show you some of my dino moves!

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Other Responses:

"Holy shit! That is fucked. How about I give you a facial instead"

"I LOVE ANIMATRONICS.. especially jurassic park.. man that movie gave me nightmares for years.. i also love jaws or.. pretty much any alien movie. SO you my darling sound like the best time in the world! I'm 21 in an apprenticeship for carpentry.. and am seriously finding that theres no cool girls out there! However we all have needs and if me being a Raptor in the lab can do it for you, i know it will for me. So if your looking for someone who knows jurassic park inside and out then you found the right guy."

"Hey. Love it, now what is next? -Renold"

"By the the way; I hope you've had a good look yourself, they were not animatronic/robotic in function at all; they were mostly cgi creations and moved with all the fluidity of real creatures, I was most impressed of course with the velocirapetors, truly agile athletes, nothing robotic about them....mmmm! how about being 'devoured' shhhlllllupp!!!!!............. rrrrrrrraggghhh!!!! Tx John"

"can i just say you made my fucking afternoon! i was just about to head to the dvd store (before i read your listing...) for today's entertainment/sustenance/survival, but for some reason i'm e-mailing you. before i go any further i should point out that i've just taken some mushrooms, and whilst i seem to be fairly lucid at the moment i may not be in an hour or so, when i'm watching jurassic park again and doing my homework... here's hoping you don't find your t. rex too soon. -harry"

"I have read some fucked up fetishes before, but sister you have some deep psychological issues! Daddy teach you to be a woman? Mom slap you around a fair bit? The family dog mount you?
You are one fucked up Cookie! Good luck on reality...Again, WOW!!"

"I will be the raptor stalking you. You will not see me coming, as I attack you from behind, throw you down and ravage you."

"You be my Dairy Queen: I'll be your burger King,You treat me right"I'll do it your way. Cheers Dennis"

"I absolutely howled when I read your post. That was outstanding. I love a gal with a great sense of humor. That took some courage to write. We must talk more..."

"LOL Not sure if this is real or bogus. When I read your ad, I nearly DIED! I was laughing so hard by the fourth paragraph! Thanks, you've made my thanksgiving!"

"This is beautiful fantasy, very sensual, creative and erotic. I must confess that I am impressed with your intelligence as only a person with high intellect can come up with something so artistic.I was wondering whether you would be interested in a man who is 6 feet tall, athletic built, well read, well traveled, charming, polite, has a great sense of humor and most of all is very creative and imaginative when it comes to sex. If so, please write me back. It will be my honor to be the part of your fantasy."

"Hey babe I think u sound like the best match for me.I've read many ads but u seem like the professional I'd like to have a fantasy with.I've seen the movie n know exactly what to do. I'm very attractive n I'm a multi millionaire n own my own company."

Homeless Connection

To the guy who drank from the can of Pepsi he found on the ground... - w4m - 26
Reply to: pers-881960503@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-10-16, 2:26PM PDT

I thought that was pretty gross at first, but the more I thought about it throughout the day, the more I was charmed by it. I can tell you are outgoing and uninhibited by social norms and I find that very attractive. In fact, it inspired me to fish a half-eaten doughnut out of a trash can on my way home from work. It tasted awful, but I felt so liberated!

You where dressed kind of poorly and your hair was unkempt (clearly unwashed), but I get the impression that your just a free spirit with more on your mind then basic hygiene. Maybe your my modern Aristotle?

Would love to discuss Kierkegaard or Nietzsche with you sometime, perhaps over a can of Pepsi? My treat.

Fart Aficionado

I farted in your face on the Kingsway escalator - w4m - 22
Reply to: pers-876554369@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-10-12, 3:44PM MDT

This is totally a long shot, I doubt you'll even see this, but you where the guy with the generic band graphic tee standing behind me on the escalator in front of HMV in Kingsway mall. I was the blonde and pretty plain looking girl with the Bad Religion tattoo who bent down to put my sweater into a shopping bag and accidentally let loose a fart less then a foot away from your face.

We exchanged stares, and your look of shock slowly became disgust. There was something in your eyes though that made me think you wanted more? I'm willing to lend a helping fart if your ever interested.

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scott deviate wrote:
"i wasnt the guy you let loose on, but if you are interested in this play, let me know i could be interested in playing tooo... your picture gets mine"